5 Tips for Enjoying a Drama-Free Holiday

“What’s rock and roll without a little drama? A little mix it up?”

– David Lee Roth

Tis’ the season that is upon us. For whatever reason, I tend to hear the old Alka Seltzer commercial jingle: “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz… oh what a relief it is.” Images of overeating, over-consuming, and over DRAMA-tization are commonplace. For many of us, the holidays are an enjoyable time filled with wonder, friends, and family. For others, well… not so much.

When you look back on your recent history, what analogy would best describe your holiday experience:  the Titanic, a Norman Rockwell Christmas, The Simpsons, or backstage at a Van Halen concert? Chances are, it’s probably a colorful combination of all of the above, and it can all feel like drama—whether positive or negative.

Before we dive into holiday chaos, it’s worth talking about what we actually mean by drama. I’m talking about the kind that somehow shows up even when nobody invited it. Drama isn’t always a screaming match or someone storming out with a half-eaten cookie. Sometimes it’s the subtle stuff: side-eyes, snarky comments, old wounds wrapped in tinsel, or that one relative who thinks December is the perfect time for a performance review of your life choices.

Drama happens because the holidays throw us into a perfect storm of nostalgia, expectation, overeating, overthinking, and people we love… but also kind of need a break from. Put all that together, shake vigorously, and voilà, it’s a recipe even Gordon Ramsay wouldn’t touch.

The point isn’t to eliminate drama entirely (if you figure out how, please email me immediately). It’s about recognizing the patterns before they sweep you away. It’s about staying grounded enough to laugh at the absurdity instead of starring in the sequel to last year’s meltdown.

And because I’ve spent years helping people understand why we slip into drama in the first place—and how to step out of it with more ease, awareness, and self-trust—I want to make this season a little lighter for you. You don’t need a full reinvention or a Zen retreat. You just need a few tools, a little perspective, and the reminder that you get to choose how you show up… even when the holiday circus rolls into town.

This year, take a stab at employing these five secrets for diffusing holiday drama: 

1. Identify in advance who and what will push your buttons: We all have “hot spots,” whether it’s family members, old friends, or even employers at holiday parties. The key is to name these triggers before the holidays begin because chances are, they will get pushed, maybe even pounded on. “I know my mother is going to ask why I’m dating a man with three children.” Great. Recognize the hook before it’s dangling in front of you like a fat, juicy worm. This awareness is the nervous system’s first line of defense. When you can anticipate the pattern, you’re less likely to get yanked out of your window of tolerance.

   
   

2. Anchor yourself in your vision and values before you walk in: Not every interaction needs depth, and you definitely don’t need to bond with everyone. But you still need a plan for how you want to show up. Before you enter any holiday gathering, ask yourself: “How do my values want me to move through this space?” Maybe you want to be grounded. Maybe you want to stay neutral. Maybe you want to avoid getting baited into the same old situation that’s older than the family china. Your values are the compass. Let them guide your behavior; not the loudest voice in the room, not your cousin’s commentary, and not your anxiety trying to save you through overperforming.

   
   

3. Establish your “sane connection:” This is the holiday version of the buddy system. Enlist a friend or trusted person who can be your grounding point when things start unraveling. Have a plan—text, call, quick bathroom FaceTime—so you’re not relying solely on willpower in environments where your nervous system is already doing Olympic-level gymnastics. This is how you create safety and trust for yourself.

   
   

4. Practice “less is more” behavior: Whether it’s food, alcohol, gift-giving, or how long you stay at Aunt Linda’s, choose quality over quantity. Sometimes, three days is the perfect amount of family togetherness. Day four? That’s when the emotional expiration date starts showing. Honor your window of tolerance. Protect your capacity. Set time boundaries that your future self will thank you for.

   
   

5. Use mindful discernment: Carl Rogers’ concept of “Unconditional Positive Regard” sounds lovely in theory. You might want to ask yourself if you can give the person/people you’re interacting with unconditional positive regard. But let’s be honest: not everyone earns that level of grace. You don’t need to spiritually bypass your discomfort to survive the holidays. Instead, try asking: “Is this someone who feels safe for me? And if not, what boundaries help me stay in my integrity?” That may mean keeping conversations surface-level, redirecting topics, or excusing yourself entirely. Mindful discernment honors your values, your nervous system, and your dignity. As Seth Godin says, “People are weird. Let them be weird,” but you don’t need to absorb the fallout.

Chances are, your holiday will be filled with happiness, surprise, disappointment, sadness, and spontaneity, just like mine.

And here’s the truth I come back to every year: drama isn’t a sign that something’s wrong with our families or us. It’s a sign that we’re human. What matters is how quickly we can return to ourselves, reset, and choose a response that aligns with who we want to be, not who we momentarily become when the stuffing burns or someone brings up politics at dessert.

If this resonates with you, there’s a lot more where it came from. My new book, The Six Superpowers Within, dives deep into why we get triggered, how our nervous system pulls the strings, and how we can create a drama-free life from the inside out. If you’ve ever wondered why certain relatives activate your sympathetic nervous system faster than you can say “gingerbread latte,” you’ll find answers (and relief) in those pages.

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And if the holidays tend to throw your rhythm off completely, my Where Are You in the Rhythm of Change? ebook is a practical, bite-sized guide to grounding yourself when life feels messy, loud, or overwhelming. Think of it as your pocket-sized reset button. All you have to do is subscribe to my newsletter to receive a free copy. 

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So as you head into the season of twinkle lights, casseroles, and questionable group chats, remember: you get one precious life, one nervous system, and one chance to choose peace over chaos. May this year be the one where you surprise yourself with how gracefully you navigate the madness.

Drama will show up. But you don’t have to take the lead role.

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Eric Stephenson is on a mission to create healthy, drama-free cultures where people thrive in business and in life. His book, The Six Superpowers Within: Activate Your Personal Agency for a Drama-Free Life, provides a timeless framework for personal development and transformation. With over 20 years as an entrepreneur, consultant, and former Chief Wellness Officer for a 250-unit franchise system, Eric has led more than 500 live events as a keynote speaker, emotional intelligence strategist, and workshop facilitator. In his free time, he pursues his dream of becoming the newest member of the Foo Fighters.