Why Change Starts in the Body: Work With Your Nervous System to Activate Personal Agency
- Eric Stephenson
- Sep 15
- 5 min read
Over the years, I’ve had a front-row seat to transformation, both as a wellness practitioner guiding clients and as a keynote speaker creating experiences for hundreds at a time. And here’s what I’ve noticed: whether someone’s in a quiet workshop or sitting in a packed auditorium, the same barriers to change tend to show up. What I hear the most is: feeling stuck in old patterns, battling burnout, and struggling to stay consistent despite the best intentions.
That’s because real change isn’t just about willpower, discipline, or “mindset.” We’ve been sold the story that change is about pushing harder. “No pain, no gain,” “You just have to want it more,” are things we’ve heard all too many times. But your body isn’t a machine.
Your body, specifically your autonomic nervous system (ANS), has a vote in everything you do. And if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, it will override your best intentions every single time. This isn’t you self-sabotaging, it’s your body self-protecting. That’s why real change starts with creating safety in your body first.
Once you understand how your autonomic nervous system works, you can manage stress naturally, create real safety in your body, and finally move toward your goals with less resistance.
What Is the Autonomic Nervous System? (And Why It Holds the Key to Change)
Your body’s top priority is survival, not success. If a change feels unsafe, whether physically, emotionally, or socially, it will resist, no matter how much you “want it.” In fact, it’ll resist it even if that change is good for you. That’s what the autonomic nervous system is designed to do: keep you safe no matter what.
The autonomic nervous system is the part of your body that runs in the background, regulating essential functions like breathing, heart rate, and digestion. But it also governs how you respond to stress, danger, and opportunity.
It has three main branches:
Sympathetic nervous system: Activates “fight, flight, or freeze” mode. Useful for action, but overwhelming when chronically triggered.
Parasympathetic nervous system: Calms and restores, known as the “rest and digest” mode. Essential for recovery and integration.
Ventral vagal state: The “safe and social” mode that fosters creativity, connection, and trust.
Real-life examples of ANS in change:
You want to leave your job, but freeze every time you start the application process.
You begin a new habit but find yourself “forgetting” to follow through after a week.
You stay in an unhealthy relationship because the nervous system equates ending it with danger.
Familiar = safe to your nervous system, even when the familiar is harmful.
Why Safety Comes Before Change
In order to create change, you need to create internal and external conditions that regulate your nervous system. When your nervous system feels balanced and safe, your body is ready to engage with change instead of resisting it. Think of safety as the fertile ground where growth can take root and flourish.
With a foundation of safety, you can start to observe your patterns and reactions more clearly. Maybe you notice your sympathetic nervous system kicking in as anxiety when you try to step outside your comfort zone, or your parasympathetic response causing you to shut down and avoid discomfort.
This self-awareness transforms change from a confusing battle into an informed process where you can gently guide yourself. You begin to see not just what behaviors you want to change but also why your body resists, and this insight is crucial for lasting transformation.
Understanding Your Rhythm of Change: The First Step to Feeling Safe Enough to Grow
If you want to truly feel safe enough to change, the place to start is by understanding where you are in the natural rhythm of that change. This means identifying which parts of the cycle feel comfortable or even energizing to you, and which parts trigger discomfort, resistance, or even fear. When you recognize this rhythm, you can begin to tune into your autonomic nervous system, noticing whether your sympathetic or parasympathetic responses are dominating, and how you can get closer to your ventral vagal state.
Becoming aware of where you get stuck, whether it’s freezing up when you want to take action or pushing too hard and burning out, is powerful. It shifts the perspective from “Why am I failing?” to “What is my body trying to protect me from?” This awareness creates a foundation to support yourself rather than fight against your natural responses.
Change moves through a natural rhythm of stages that repeat throughout life. This happens in your career, relationships, habits, or identity. The four stages of this rhythm are:
Awakening: The moment something shifts, a new awareness or longing that signals it’s time for change.
Expansion: The stage of exploring and stretching beyond old patterns. It’s exciting but messy, filled with uncertainty.
Stability: Here, new patterns begin to settle in. You start integrating the change, but it’s not fully solid yet.
Closure: The cycle winds down as you let go of old roles, beliefs, or situations, making room for new beginnings.
Each stage interacts uniquely with your nervous system. Some feel safer and easier, while others trigger the body’s instinct to protect itself. Recognizing which stage you’re in helps you understand your body’s responses and where growth may be getting stuck.
If you want to explore this deeper, you can download our free Rhythm of Change Assessment, a tool designed to help you identify your stage, tune into your nervous system triggers, and move forward with greater ease and clarity.
Reflective Questions to Support Your Process of Behavior Change
What stage of change am I in right now? (Awakening, Expansion, Stability, or Closure?)
Where does my body feel resistance, and how does it show up?
Am I working with my nervous system, or against it?
What does safety mean to me right now?
Regaining Personal Agency: Your Power to Choose
As you deepen your understanding of your nervous system and rhythms, you reclaim your personal agency, the ability to choose how you respond to your circumstances rather than reacting automatically.
In any situation, you hold three fundamental choices: leave it, change it, or accept it. This agency isn’t about pushing harder or forcing change but about making conscious decisions from a place of safety and self-awareness. When your body feels safe enough to choose, your personal growth becomes empowered and sustainable.
Choosing Compassion: Your Sword for Sustainable Growth
Change doesn’t happen through criticism or judgment. In fact, self-criticism can activate your nervous system’s threat response, shutting down your capacity to grow. Instead, cultivating compassion toward yourself opens your nervous system and allows you to set boundaries, pace your growth, and move forward without burnout.
Think of compassion as your “Sword of Superpowers,” a tool referenced several times in my upcoming book, The Six Superpowers Within: Activate Your Personal Agency for a Drama-Free Life, that lets you balance firmness with kindness, protecting your energy while honoring your humanity. Choosing compassion over criticism helps you sustain the motivation and resilience necessary for meaningful, lasting change.
If you’re ready to deepen your connection to your body’s signals and move through your personal growth rhythm with greater clarity and ease, download my free Rhythm of Change Assessment when you subscribe to my emails. It’s a practical way to check in, understand where you are, and find your path forward in a way that’s grounded in safety, agency, and self-compassion.
I’m right here with you.
Eric Stephenson is on a mission to create healthy, drama-free cultures where people thrive in business and in life. His book, The Six Superpowers Within: Activate Your Personal Agency for a Drama-Free Life, provides a timeless framework for personal development and transformation. With over 20 years as an entrepreneur, consultant, and former Chief Wellness Officer for a 250-unit franchise system, Eric has led more than 500 live events as a keynote speaker, emotional intelligence strategist, and workshop facilitator. In his free time, he pursues his dream of becoming the newest member of the Foo Fighters.
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